The Art of Gathering
We as people gather together every day—around dinner tables, in conference rooms, in Zoom calls, and in classrooms. In my own life, some of those gatherings have been life-altering, and others so mundane I can’t remember one from the last. What makes some gatherings impactful and others boring? And can I create gatherings that are memorable instead of those that slip from thought as soon as they happen? A year ago, at the recommendation of a co-worker (thanks, Jessica!), I read The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker, in which Parker explores how to create gatherings that are dynamic and potent. I was immediately struck by how the ideas presented in the book are relevant to multiple aspects of my work. By learning to create meaningful gatherings, I could increase the effectiveness of my meetings, my classes could be more impactful, and events I host could create a stronger sense of belonging. I encourage you to read the book (or listen to the book—the audio version is read by the author), but for now here are a few gems from The Art of Gathering.
The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters by Priya Parker
Purpose
Every gathering should have a “specific, unique, and disputable” purpose. Parker suggests that you keep asking “why?” until you get to the belief or value, or ask yourself “what do you want to be different because you gathered?”
In the office, I will no longer have meetings just because we always meet. If there isn’t a purpose, then we don’t need to gather.
For events I host on campus, the means vary but the purpose is almost always the same: to help students develop a greater sense of belonging. Every event is a vehicle for students to form relationships, and if that can’t happen the event shouldn’t happen.
In a class, online or in-person, the learning objectives are the purpose and dictate what material is presented. More information is not always better, it can be confusing and impede the learning.
With a strong purpose, every decision regarding the planning and executing of the gathering becomes easier—“make purpose your bouncer,” as Parker states.
“Chill is selfishness disguised as kindness”
This point is illustrative of why it is the art of gathering instead of the science of gathering, because being a good host without making the event about yourself is an art form. Events need structure and someone to shepherd guests through the experience, but that guide needs to act for the good of all, not the good of their ego. Gatherings should run selflessly, for the sake of others and the event’s purpose. Parker encourages hosts to connect their guests with one another, and she notes that “most gatherings benefit from guests leaving their titles and degrees at the door” (p. 87).
A helpful metaphor for facilitating meetings, leading groups, and hosting events is for me to envision myself as the center of an old-fashioned wagon wheel and the other guests are the spokes. My job is to hold the spokes together and keep them moving forward, and this requires communicating with the spokes and connecting them to each other.
Being direct, even in a casual gathering, is beneficial. It’s a lot less awkward to tell guests it’s time for dinner and to please move into the dining room instead of waiting for someone’s stomach to growl embarrassingly loud.
A strong syllabus and detailed class calendar are essential for students to feel comfortable in class, and unless they feel comfortable they will not learn to their fullest potential.
A host should create the structure of the event so that your guests can go with the flow. Or, as I tell my student leaders, be a thermostat (set the temperature) not a thermometer (simply read the temperature).
Before your event starts, it has begun
Parker states that events start from the moment of discovery, and that 90% of what makes a gathering successful is put in place beforehand. This means invitations are important, and the most effective invitation is a personal invite. Invites don’t have to be limited to fancy stationary or e-vites; they can be creative and should set the tone for the gathering—and, of course, align with the event’s purpose.
Steele Roar hosts a monthly social for local women. The invitations for each of these events are unique to that month’s theme. Included in the RSVP are questions loosely related to the event. The day before the gathering, a reminder is sent to the attendees, and it includes the answers to the questions. Since the purpose of these events is to help women build connections to each other, those connections can begin with a simple question like, “I saw on the party notes that you’re enjoying the Great British Bake Off—who do you think is going to win this season?”
After reading this book, I try to be more intentional about sending out agendas for meetings, or at least clearly stating the purpose in the calendar invite. As my supervisor points out, not everyone is a microwave, some people (like me) are crockpots and need time for the food (ideas) to cook.
For certain learning objects and students, a flipped classroom can be incredibly effective. Presenting the students with the material they need before they ever enter the classroom (virtually or in-person) can free up the class time for powerful discussion and application.
Gathering—the conscious bringing together of people for a reason—shapes the way we think, feel, and make sense of our world.
Priya Parker
There’s enough in life that is unpredictable, but what is expected of your guests shouldn’t be. You can still have a surprising and interesting gathering, and some structure can allow them the comfort and freedom to experience the event fully. For more direction on creating meaningful gatherings of all kinds, I encourage you to check out the book and reach out to us! Experience design is our niche, as one of our key values is community.
